Frag Infinity Tournament, Inc. - FITES LAN Party - www.fites.net
LAN Party Forums => Jokes and Fun => Started by: Pride on August 14, 2007, 12:57:43 PM
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Ok... we've done this in the past, but with so many people on the boards this week I figured it would be a good week to start it.
Here's how to play. Simply add a single word or phrase onto the end of the previous poster's post. Its always funny to see where the stories go.
I'll Start.
Once upon a time in...
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Jordan's basement
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a young woman was found wearing a...
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toupe...
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...of blonde hair. One evening when Jordan came home...
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...he stripped down and put on a...
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... hot pink bathrobe and a ...
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... pair of silver flipflops custom made from the ancient race of indigenous fishies native to the yellow breaches until ...
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... they became extinct during the age of the...
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cretaceous when they fell into a black hole...
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of strawberry daiquires and Ponch clones.
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((And as well all know Ponch was played by Erik Estrada who was the voice of Marco on Sealab 2021))
...and room started to change and they were soon trapped in a poorly edited cartoon filled with...
llDayo you are supposed to leave it open ended. :P
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...naked smurfs...
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... and Gargomel's cat Azreal. Once Azreal saw Jordan and the young woman...
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...sunbathing in a pond of green jello....
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...and sponge bob furries...
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...he proceeded to spray everything in site. Much to his suprise...
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...He realized that he had no arms. How was he going to...
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...get the cookies down from the....
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...jar on top of the fridge is anyone's guess. But by LeChuck's zombie beard, he was determined to...
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...knock them down with projectile vomite and...
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...scabby bandaids. Then out of the corner of his eye...
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...a wild melon appeared and smacked his face...
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...with a large, wet...
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banana. Why the banana was wet was anyone's guess, but Jordan knew it had to be because...
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...of the big, wet, sticky banana-shaped mark on his face. Jordan turned to face the devious melon...
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...but alas, it was gone leaving only....
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...a big pile of seeds and other yucky stuff from inside melons. Jordan was hungry so he...
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....decided what won't kill me will make me stronger....
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...and consumed the wild rotten melon. then proceeded to puke his lungs out for the next 30 hours...
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...and 8 seconds while slowly...
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...contemplating how to...
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...fart the alphabet through his feet. Meanwhile, his neighbor, Mr. Richard Johnson Wang, watched...
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...a midget and a racoon go at it like...
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a tub of ice cream and a blow torch. Making the air reek of...
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...pez scented ass. After the show...
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...a cackle of dung beetles scittered across the floor, right next to...
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...my bag of popcorn, which by the way was very....
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moist for some reason. I surmised that it might be because I...
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the fact that I hadn't used the bathroom in quite some time. Next time I think I should...
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wear an adult diaper. Meanwhile back at the command center (moms basement)...
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...Pepe was washing his grapes in the dirty dishwater as he was telling his son...
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how to properly snort vegetable oil up his nose. "This is an important skill, son," said Pepe. You never know when...
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...vegetable oil will come in handy so it's best to store some for later. One of these uses is...
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...greasing up the flag pole so that....
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the stripper falls off when she tries to climb up it. It's ok though, you see, strippers around here are really just used for...
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...trap shooting. But that's ok, there's plenty of...
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beef jerky and ...
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bananas to go around. Usually the beef jerky gets....
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oiled up while the bananas...
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...bleed allover the place. It got so slippery...
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...that the cats forgot all about Jordan. The End.
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...or is it?
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apparently not, it was back and running like a smurf on aderall or maybe even....
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Speedy Gonzales on crack, but we don't have the drug test back yet. So the next day stipper finds herself amidst a multitude of beef jerky and lubricated bananas. When things couldn't possibly get any worse...
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they did....somehow. It's not important how, never you mind the state of affairs of that stripper ho, she's a waste of everyone's time. No, rather we should focus our attention on the gaping wide open chasm of the portal that just opened up in the ceiling. I look closely into the hole/portal and I see...
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a birthday party. It was my fifth birday to be precise. All the kids eating cake and icecream. As I was caught up in the nostalgia...
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just then, the Pin The Tail on The Donkey game went horribly wrong resulting in...
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...many phlegmy throats and druish incantations that...
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sounded something from the dark deep recesses of Rosie O'donnell's....
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..armpits. And let me tell you, I have seen some hairy....
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genitals, but damn, the hair even covered...
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...her oversized pepperoni colored...
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Mole! I mean wow, i never would have guessed that thing was right in the middle of her...
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...pizza face which consisted of toppings in the range of anchovie acne to...
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beefy boils! All the food metaphors started making him...
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hungry for a big greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray. So he went to the...
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...hair salon to pick up his weekly stash of blonde hair clippings for his...
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...pet toupe. Oh, how he cherished that toupe. Every week, he would...
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style it differently and dress in drag to pose in front of the mirror. doing so regularly eventually made him...
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a little nervous that he may end up...
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drugged and tied to a chair by a...
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...an angry little dwarf - who by the way is an incredible.....
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yoddler. He'd yoddle as a side job at country clubs, until one day when he...
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...yoddled to the wrong person and that person snapped. Unfortunately, he was kicked in the...
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ding dongs and puked up some twinkies. The Keystone cops were called to...
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the scene and set up a quarantine in the area. The twinkies were determined to have had small traces of radioactivity. The dwarf yoddler was shipped off to a hardened facility where he...
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...was forced to reveal his big...
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...definition as to what the hell a yoddle is since it isn't in the dictionary. This led to a big...
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cult of yoddlers to start appearing randomly in..
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stickied threads that haven't been posted in for over a year. Nevertheless, the yoddlers proceeded to....
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yodel all night long until they were stopped by....
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a malfunctioning Large Hadron Collider with a bad temper and a taste for asparagus flavored...
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...cat treats. Since there was a shortage of....
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... orange soda cause dufus drank it all. But they wanted to party with...
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Old Gregg, since he had all the Bailey's. Little did they know...
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the party would be crashed by..
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...The Kool-Aid Man! "Oooohhh Yeaaahh!" He exclaimed as.....
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he crashed through the wall. Panic ensued, except for one man, who cried out, "Boooo-YAHHHH!!", flexing his...
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six inch long...
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butter knife, threatening to cut the Kool-Aid man's handle off. Kool-Aid man backed down at this threat and said, "Hey man, I was just trying to...
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...squeeze them tomatoes!". Then he glanced over his shoulder and saw....
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..on the TV that he was wanted by the FBI. He turned back around and...
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quacked. Then, all of a sudden, a large throbbing...
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Pustule exploded from his forehead. He looked at the Kool-Aid man and said.....
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I feel like a boomer, he puked on kool-aid man then..
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thought to himself: "WTF is the Kool-Aid man doing here?....I mean it's been years since I...
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hit the instance powder. If you know what I mean." But as he spoke the Kool-Aid man...
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delivered a mighty..
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belch that could be heard for miles. Then he tossed a chocolate truffle into the nearby pool which looked suprisingly like a turd. People started to gather and comment on how the turd...
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had peanuts in it, one man then..
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...Proceeded to skim the 'turd' out of the water and exclaimed:....
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BOOOOOYAAHHHH!!!!! then he tossed the turd over the house and on the roof of an unsuspecting parked car. With that, he
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honor David Cardine by tying a noose around...
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/Necro o.O
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.....Subway Italian sub with under six grams of fat and....
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a Cleavland steamer given by Jared. Just then in burst...
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...into flames consuming all in it's....
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amazing firey flames of death. Jordan then took a moment to look around the basement, at all the crazy things that had happened to him over the last 3 years. He then reached into the top desk drawer and pulled out his secret stash of...
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...cinderella fruit snacks that he's been collecting. They are, in fact, the final ingredient for his doomsday weapon! He let out a diabolical laugh just as he...
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lets loose a even more diabolical fart. As he checks his pants for damage he...
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inflicted on the chocolate starfish. He then realized that the incredible fart may have accidentally
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...stopped time. He soon discovered he could actually reverse time by.....
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...inhaling his farts through his mouth and back out his...
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...tear ducts, which actually were severely inflamed when he....
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accidentally rubbed the oils from the merciless peppers of Quetzlzacatenengo, grown deep in the jungles primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum. As he begin to cry he envisioned...
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licking the sweet, salty, yet slightly musty....
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...inside rim of one of the old toilets in said insane asylum. At that moment, Jordan thought to himself...
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where can i get a used condom? It would be perfect for...
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...a mold to make a homemade dildo, but before he could enact his new idea...
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...he found a dildo lying in the dirtiest corner of the patient ward at the insylum. "Fudge it", he thought, and that's just what he did.
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After sitting and taking a spin on his newly found dirty dildo of destruction or DDD as he likes to call her....
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He decided he wanted to meet new people, so he proceeded to walk around and shake every...
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palm tree...
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hoping some big nuts would slap him in the face. Suddenly there came a...
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mexican staring frog of southern sri lanka. It came so hard in fact that it...
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...encased him in a hardened shell of ejaculate. Desperately trying to breathe, he had to eat....
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eat a taco
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..that was 11 years old. Soon thereafter, he...
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went to bathroom with his extreme case of explosive diarrhea when he found out that...
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the president had been kidnapped! WAS HE A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO.....
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Fap under the table while the vice president...
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Watched the 2 girls 1 cup video and the 1 guy 1 cup video repeatedly? That is the only way he could...
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Of been kidnapped and sent to..
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...Canada where he was forced to...
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do nothing but watch hockey and fed coffee from Tim Horton's intravenously. This wasn't so bad at first, but after a while they also started blaring Celine Dion out of the surround sound speakers. He was being held hostage by a bunch of Canadian hosers with nothing better to do. He had to get out of there while he still had a shred of sanity left. He asked himself, "What would Brian Boitano do?" Then it struck him! Brian Boitano would....
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try to skate away, but he took an arrow to the knee and....
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escaped. a day or so had passed when he popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There he was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
when he saw the numa numa guy starin' at him from the back of a milk carton.
Well, his heart just dropped.
So, he decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler wearing ice skates. Shortly after....
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Jesus Christ was jack-hammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gave birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum causing him to...