...because this game does NOT kick ass.
Well, I played it for about 3 hours last night and I must say, if this wasn't Duke Nukem....it should be nuked. The ONLY thing this game has going for it is a bit of nostalgia and Duke humor. The graphics are incredibly bland for a modern game let alone a modern game 12+ years in the making. And I had every graphical setting maxed out at full 1080p resolution. Even with FSAA (with the only options being FSAA and FXAA) it seemed like it didn't help with the jaggies. I was expecting soooo much more from this game.
The feel of the controls seem....stiff. It just feels like you are sliding along in the levels. No immersion whatsoever. All the same gimmicks are there, pissing in the toilet, turning water on and off, playing with the pool table and Duke's pinball machine....and that's about it.
I think the mild nostalgia and same old same old gimmicks and humor are all this game has going for it.
Granted, I could not test multiplayer for obvious reasons, but I am willing to bet it's just as bad as single player.
Apparently, it didn't get good reviews from other game news sources either:
Joystiq (2/5)
I can really only recommend this as a rental to those of you who, like me, are determined to see this thing through to the bitter end. For everyone else, allow me to borrow Duke's trademark line which he, in turn, borrowed from a fellow 1990s artistic endeavor, Army of Darkness: "Don't come get some."
The Guardian (2/5)
A mark for nostalgia then – it's the Duke, after all – and one for the game. If this was 15 years in the making, it makes you wonder what they did for the other 14 years and 10 months.
AusGamers (5 out of 10)
Alas, what many had hoped would be a glorious trip down memory lane, is a muddled affair that lacks spit and polish across the board. Hail to the king, baby? No. Sadly, it’s more akin to, ‘Fail to the king, baby.’
Videogamer Zone (German) (77/100)
Duke Nukem is a relic of bygone days when action was simple. No one knew who Michael Bay and Jean Claude van Damme was for demanding entertainment. And Forever is like a 80's action film: an outrageous story, half-naked women, flat characters and a coated central character that could hardly be cool.
PC Gamer (80-percent)
Don’t expect a miracle. Duke is still the hero we love, but struggles to keep up with modern times. Crude humor and classic weaponry keep him in the game.